Friday, April 29, 2011

In class

Wednesday, there was only Prarthana and Sarah. And Sarah was invited to give a sun salute instruction, for one round. She did that with more confidence, with all those little details into the suggestions for moves, and breathing in the sun salute  (that seem easy, but can be difficult and confusing, unless the teacher's mind is calm and focused:).  I like offering platforms that way. I recall, this girl who is now a private Sivananda teacher. She would come for all my workshops, and even admitted in private to me that she left her job because she was `inspired' by me.  But whenever she is publicly invited to discuss her job switch, she won't mention my name:) I am quite amused at her lack of security which makes her not want to mention me! I mean, I also gave her plum private assignment.. and in Mumbai, when one teacher does that to another one, they actually charge 20 per cent commission on all the latter's earnings from that assignment!! Not just the first month, but all subsequent earnings!!  I never even thot of asking that... So, yes, I am writing this because my ego is still getting a cheap thrill that I am able to give that way even where the other person involved can display churlishness and competitiveness where neither was even required!! !

The other thing I am dealing with, when I write this here, is that when I give that sort platform to wannabe teachers,  am I to be affected by  my previous such experiences...? I do feel a stab of alertness (for want of a better word)  that when I am doing this, this same smiling person is going to turn around be not-so-smiling, you-are-not-my-teacher-now student!!  Yes,  I do understand that when I offer a platform to an aspiring teacher that they are using me, and that tomorrow they are likely to even hurt me:)(One ran away, bitching about me for having reprimanded her -- how many times Prahlada has remonstrated me, directly or indirectly?!!! -- ) but I am not in that zone where I am worried about that at all... I know in my bones that everything I do is guided by my guru, and these students are here for that reason, so I am happy to be used..

and though sometimes it is difficult to offer, I want to be eventually be able to do that, and give,  completely, without even getting the cheap thrill I am now getting:)!! A lot of u will give me some great gyan no doubt about Gita and how we must do without expecting... I also know that. Living that rule is difficult. What I am saying is that I am practically trying that out, despite its difficulties in execution. Though  I am succeeding in its execution, but not entirely in its subtler fineties in my mind  ... but that also, I am working on.... and all my work, everything I do and think, is only that. Pure yoga:)  Trying, trying... that's my sadhana!! Not just the poses ... those are just the frills to the joy of living pure yoga!!

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