Thursday, November 10, 2011

In class today: What-am-doing moment and the answer

Though the classes flowed well, was having one of those `what am I doing in life' moments ever so often yesterday. Usually that comes to me when I am looking for a paradigm shift in perspective and life. And that it should come, provoked by student/s otherwise, at just this time in life left me baffled. I was feeling good these days, I had great students, I was working on a yoga book I wanted, and doing only those things I wanted. I was amongst the very few people I knew in the whole world who had the luxury of choosing things... I am sorry, but I know so few people who seem to enjoy that luxury ... So,  I decided that I would not bother with that question, though the feeling behind that hung like a pall, there in the backdrop of my mind all of yesterday.

 Then, this morning, one expat student came up to me and said that doing yoga here has changed her life and perspective. That she felt there was no need to chase goals, and found to her surprise that being chilled out that way, most often the goals found her. She did not feel lonely, or hanker for company in a crowd. She was losing weight, as she had wanted all her life, though she was not doing anything desperate towards that. She was feeling good about herself and complete.  She felt very much at home and cherished in this city and that she has not felt all of these things in a long long while. I do not know what made her talk that way...I mean, it was just a simple class we did and not any exotic visualisation either. But she spoke  almost for 20 minutes at how yoga has changed her life. Gave me a hug before leaving!

After she left, I looked at Swamiji's photo and winked at him:) I realised that he was giving me an answer. .. in his own way. I have always  believed he takes care of me. He gives me students who help me grow, takes away those who strip me of energy. If one assignment drops, some other thing will crop. Always unasked. I believe, yes, seriously, he is looking after me. So, yes, like a father who wants to console his child, he chose somebody to say to me that these classes meant something, somewhere. I even got an unexpected, consoling hug:)

No, I am not elated, and not gadding about foolishly believing that I am changing lives. But it is nice to know that  I am teaching something that had,  in fact,  changed my life. And that transference of belief system and practice, that is enough. Questions about life and all that, they be damned!!!

And yes, at the foreground again, of my mind that we are cherished by the energy we choose to trust. And yes, I believe swamiji takes care of me, this way. Not just financially, but to prop me up emotionally too:) Always, under  the umbrella of that faith...

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