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Ok, some crap I ate (yes, yes, yoga teachers are also guilty of that) had me puking all of Tuesday night. I am not joking, all of it. The throwing up possibly saved my life. I believe sickness is a very wise thing.. because whatever was making me so nauseated needed to get off my body and as you can see in the deaths happening in Bihar, if the poison does not come out, it could kill you. So, when I am puking, I think and thank god it is all coming off:) I am not joking!
That however does not stop you from feeling like a shadow of a ghost the next day, and the terrifying feeling that you are in no position to face it, especially if it starts very early in the morning, as a yoga teacher's does:( You have not had sleep, your body has thrown off all nutrition, it is super-whacked and you are feeling worse than after a hangover, without having the pleasure of having drunk yourself silly:)
Then, after that, to do another class, with nothing in you stomach and your energy all wrung out -- it could a big challenge. You may wonder why I cannot be normal, and just lie back, as normal people would. I am not even famous. Nobody cares a shit I do this, I mean, to get up and go to conduct a class .. it does not transform any life, so why bother? It is not making you rich. Some students may even think you are stupid to be doing that..
The other option, of course, is that you lie back and feel sicker. Which, if you have been a sickly person all your life and are suddenly liberated through yoga, you do not want to go back to feeling sicker. So, yes, I lay back after the last bout, pushed my wracked body out of bed at 6.10 am and got ready and left at 6.45 through a daze of pain. But when you enter the class, and then, it is your master's energy. It is an amazing experience, because you can actually do a class and smile and laugh and joke and not faint or wilt off, as you fear. Something there, that feels like magic, in that moment.
So, yes, much of what I do in a class, I believe, is dictated by my sadguru, and I have so few options to otherwise than what seems preordained for me, as a teacher. This includes overlooking the nausea and even feeling grateful it saved me from an even worse fate than that momentary discomfort, and then, to enter the class and feel an energy that is not mine and to merge with it, and look ahead, for something, that I feel scintillating.. sparkling -- the spanda:)
Who cares -- sickness or unloved.. unappreciated or alone -- when the sight is on something else....
That however does not stop you from feeling like a shadow of a ghost the next day, and the terrifying feeling that you are in no position to face it, especially if it starts very early in the morning, as a yoga teacher's does:( You have not had sleep, your body has thrown off all nutrition, it is super-whacked and you are feeling worse than after a hangover, without having the pleasure of having drunk yourself silly:)
Then, after that, to do another class, with nothing in you stomach and your energy all wrung out -- it could a big challenge. You may wonder why I cannot be normal, and just lie back, as normal people would. I am not even famous. Nobody cares a shit I do this, I mean, to get up and go to conduct a class .. it does not transform any life, so why bother? It is not making you rich. Some students may even think you are stupid to be doing that..
The other option, of course, is that you lie back and feel sicker. Which, if you have been a sickly person all your life and are suddenly liberated through yoga, you do not want to go back to feeling sicker. So, yes, I lay back after the last bout, pushed my wracked body out of bed at 6.10 am and got ready and left at 6.45 through a daze of pain. But when you enter the class, and then, it is your master's energy. It is an amazing experience, because you can actually do a class and smile and laugh and joke and not faint or wilt off, as you fear. Something there, that feels like magic, in that moment.
So, yes, much of what I do in a class, I believe, is dictated by my sadguru, and I have so few options to otherwise than what seems preordained for me, as a teacher. This includes overlooking the nausea and even feeling grateful it saved me from an even worse fate than that momentary discomfort, and then, to enter the class and feel an energy that is not mine and to merge with it, and look ahead, for something, that I feel scintillating.. sparkling -- the spanda:)
Who cares -- sickness or unloved.. unappreciated or alone -- when the sight is on something else....
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