Friday, April 11, 2014

The Aha moment, on the mat

The only reason I do yoga and the only reason (apart from what I earn, which, believe me or not is incidental to me) I teach it, is  because I have this mumukshutva. I await, something, breathlessly...

These days, touch wood, maybe since I feel less drained, with less students around, my practice has settled into some consistency. Many students of mine want to become instructors, but I do not advise them, since each to his own, but  when you start teaching the worst thing is the way your practice may fluctuate if you do not watch out. Hanging on to an individual practice must always be more important than teaching. Unless you adopt that attitude, it is pretty much a wash-out, rest of what you achieve..

So, when my practice grounds me as it is doing now, I have these wow-wow moments, as something gets clarified.

You realize that it does not matter anything you feel. Your thoughts themselves, extraneous. It is impossible for the mind to be still since it is so scared of losing the sense of I.. that it will return to mundane thoughts to maintain its sense of the self.. and whatever else it achieves, is squeezed between these mundane stuff. It is pretty amazing how the mind fritters itself away -- whether you read, create or achieve, it is still a wastrel, the mind itself. The idea of a solid yoga practice is really to go beyond the mind itself, the land somewhere inside one,without the props that the mind provides. That is a strange direction. Which means you sort of turn yourself 360 degrees away from who you were a few moments ago. It is the  mad place, of Alice in the Wonderland! Stepping beyond the looking glass..
But  perhaps that is why meditation is so tough -- Because who wants to find out  that one's mind is mundane? And then, heavens, to drop the mind itself!! That is even more unthinkable..

So, between the thoughts, where nothing moves, this thing that can be uncluttered, relaxed, completely indifferent, beyond the mundane stuff ... (So ham, so ham)

As a Buddhist saying goes:
There is nothing to be created; it is an awakening..

This happens a lot on the mat, when the mind is uncluttered by its own need to achieve, when it understands pain and becomes indifferent to it, and then, it takes a third person view, of itself.. that is a crazy happy place, on the mat! But to be able to meditate on the mat, you have to settle into any pose for long, and just feel the mind through the pose -- that is why practice, practice, practice! What is there then, left, to teach:)

(Below ink painting by Hasegawa Tohaku, 16th century, Tokya Museum)

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