Wednesday, August 24, 2011

In class, disclocating my knee! Then teaching the headstand....

In a gen kickboxing class I tried a kick without warm-up (what a  trainer, dammit how did he allow that -- esp since kickboxing is such a strenuous movement and involves all the joints:(  so then my knee dislocated completely. I fall on my back, ignominiously!! Fellow tells me to come up. My knee collapses once more. This happened thrice. I fall on my back thrice, in front of a full class!! (Has to happen to me only!!). I am screaming with surprise (NO pain!!!, wow!) because the knee won't support me any more.  And it is now feeling strange to have a joint that is soft!!  And the ego is also more than bruised for sure. But I don't care about such things, since I am a bit freaky that way -- I was genuinely sorry instead for disrupting a perfectly good class with this tamasha:) Apologised to the trainer, since he also had to drop me home and poor fellow likes dropping the younger girls back each night and here I was that kebab me haddi!  (hee, hee, he should have apologised instead:)
I guess, there is something humbling to learn from all that (apart from the practical aspect of not doing something like that without any warm-up -- what an idiot I am, and an instructor too!  When some students say they get bored with surya namaskar -- there was this lady who said that to me, before a class completely disrupting my mind flow for a few seconds because I could see how badly she did other poses because her body was resisting movement and I held my tongue, uncharacteristically, against ticking her off.and telling her if she loved the warm-up she will not only be safe but also more efficient on the mat !!)
So  having fallen thrice, my ego was all busted (I kick very well, with great form, and my target is perfect -- the swing of my foot is really cool and I know all that, so that ballooning ego needed a real butt-kick!! In fact, in the entire class, i would have said that my kick was in perfect from, and strength too, but hell that seems to be in the past tense, if all I can do is collapse on somebody's sweat and disclocate my knee:). But u know, I am going ahead with my classes tomorrow and I expect the knee will settle down from its shock and forgive me for having done that to it. I am wearing two knee caps one on top of the other to hold that poor thing in place:) The ankle feels strange because it is now taking the weight of the whole body ... I never knew before how much the knee protects the ankle... ithis is a also a discovery!
In a way, I guess I had that coming ..Swamiji is always kicking my butt. Two people fell down from their headstand in my class. My own take on that is, if u had been doing it for long, then u just brush yourself up and either lie back in shavasana or go ahead and attempt the pose once more. I don't make a fuss simply because a fall in the headstand should not be a frightening event, esp for those who are watching it, since it would frighten them from attempting (if beginners) or make the advanced students stiffen up with fear (many advanced students get by without falling in the headstand, which is a marvel to me because I fell down in every direction when learning it:) . Now this is a tricky place for an instructor. How far can u act nonchalant -- and be thought of as heartless or should u fuss and create babying in a class where there is toughness expected. I still tremble on the edge of that decision... So, yea, if the trainer and the rest of the class acted like there no event to someone falling on their backside and scream, then maybe they were only doing what I was doing in  my own class. Cosmic tit for tat!
Maybe I should stop teaching the headstand -- or have a format where if somebody is very scared, they should be left alone and not taught it, as happens even in my ashram... I don't know. Some formula must be there, to handle the psychology of reaching it ... Some students have been with me for years who still need me to stand behind them for the headstand... That is tantamount to the swimming coach walking up and down the pool with his/her hand under the belly while the student believes he is swimming. All this is very upsetting for me... because I want to teach, but for a year or two? Holding someone up? At the end I will have no students because a lot of students drop out of the class once I indicate I must step back... I don't know Mannnnn!!
I know and truly believe that it is Swamiji who is teaching people -- but if some people get it fast and others don't, I am the one left holding the baby... what to do Swamiji ... (U may think this sounds like some rhetorical question, but I throw all my questions at Swamiji and actually have a conversation with him throughout the day. If any of my students say they feel good in my class, then it is only because they are open to his energy, which I believe I crave for, and hence act as a channel)...
I am one highly stressed yoga teacher today... and not because of the dislocated knee. That is the least of my concern:) The headstand and why some people don't get it... and should I keep on holding them up, for years!


lizw said...

Swami Krishna at the SYVC in London told us in his intermediate class that he would only help us into headstand if we could honestly tell him that we had done 10 dolphin at home every day in the preceding week, which I thought was fair. It took that and then practising headstand at home every day for me to get it.

Shameem Akthar said...

thanks Lizw... I am going to follow this... it has been hassling me so much... often my wrist is wrenched when shy, but heavy girls won't listen to me, and move too fast for my hand, and then the wrist is painful for several days:(