About the mind yoga part of it, having a transformative experience, and this has been happening since my mom's death..
The last two days particularly I have been feeling like a caged animal, snarling , with an urge to bite off a flank from someone:) Prachi told me it is because there are nasty energies that are winding up and dying out but which will not go tamely but provoke nastiness all around, before they speed off. . Possibly!! I did feel nasty, sure!
I myself have a simpler explanation: just PMS and possibly the onset of menopause, ha ha! Like the doctors, let's blame everything on the damned hormones. U are damned if you have them, and damned if you don't!
Any case, the beauty of this suddenly is, that I can see two things as this caged animal begins to snarl. I see a visitor to the Zoo (also myself) walk away from the trapped snarling beast (also myself). It is fantastic, this division of the self. And like a visitor to the zoo can walk off, and leave the poor trapped thing snarling and clawing away, I too can walk off from myself. That is a fantastic experience. Unlike earlier, when this could happen in flashes and still hold all of my splattered self together, this experience of witnessing myself has become quite a constant. And an entertaining one at that. Suddenly, it seems as if I am not just witnessing the animal snarl within myself alone but within others too.. just as a visitor to the zoo can see the suffering, anger and terrible desolation of the creatures, all so firmly trapped. I see that, and suddenly, while I am indifferent to myself (caged animal) I have a sense of compassion for the other caged animals, specially those who cannot see the bars. As a teacher, interestingly, and though it is not right at the entry level stage of yoga practice, this is what I believe I am basically teaching. An ability to step back from oneself even, by using the body. I really believe that. And an ability to see the bars. And a magical trick, which will melt the bars, and let something fly free that "Something there is that does not love a wall."
Here is how the books refer to this cages animal:
- Stithaprajna, the section of "Steady consciousness/one established in wisdom", which is the goal of yoga, says this: the mind drawn and torn apart by the senses is like a wildly rocking boat, which the waves will drag away and break into..
- Here is what the most beautiful text on the path towards mokhsha Laghu Yoga Vashishta (translation by K Narayanaswami Aiyar) says of the mind:The jiva debases itself, being bound by the cord of samkalpas and enmeshed in the snare of pain. .. Another description compares the mind to the `worms caught in their own chyrsalises." And which is afflicted like an undaunted male lion in a forest, bound by the fetters.
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So, from that caged, trapped, and trippy, uncontrolled feelings, now where is this yoga/my sadhana meant to take me? Below is where...
- More on the real yogi, from the Astavakra Gita: His look is vacant, his actions are purposeless and his senses are inoperative. He is practically dead to the world but ever conscious of the Self pervading the universe. He is not perturbed when facing a beautiful woman or confronted with imminent death. He sees the same everywhere, sees no difference between happiness and misery, man and woman as well as prosperity and adversity. He has neither compassion nor coldness, neither humility nor insolence.
I love this, I love love this route to sanitised madness, where yoga is taking me.