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The last few weeks I have had this odd experience -- of my knee moving off the joint and coming back in. It is odd, painful and happens very often in the class. Especially if I stand up from a seated position which I have held for long. The muscles experience slivers of pain -- almost not there, and the knee is surely giving my brain signals that something is all messed up, and then when I put my foot down, the feathery pain signals are gadding about still. Then, it is weird, because even as the event happens, I have stepped back from all of that even as I remain fully alert to the pain, the signals of distress inside, though I continue talking and joking as I am wont to do (oh, I am that sort of yoga teacher, very rajasic:) and then I adjust my leg muscles, to push the knee back into the socket. When it does, all iz fine. There is no pain, and I know I have what my doc says is an unstable knee. Mmm.. I have stressed it (that will be an understatement) with my continued kickboxing since I tore it, so I guess that was bound to be.. but frankly, what I like about this experience is that shift in awareness, the stepping back from pain, the loud distress in the body, and that I am also participating in the knee getting back into the socket (yes, it won't go back till you tweak your leg this way and that:) and that I do not flinch, blink or collapse, as I should probably do.. It is weird, because I think this stepping back comes from a yoga practice... It is very meditative, fully aware but nevertheless uncaring, yet caring.. feels good.. and no, I am not a nutcase, and this dislocation of the knee makes me more determined to get it back all right.. that is what I mean, this yoga awareness, it is involved, engaged, but surrenders, and that is a new high.. pain notwithstanding:)
My most favorite saint, Ramana Maharishi, on pain:
Is this suffering of the mind or Me?
If it is of the mind, i do not bother about it!
And obviously its not "me"!
No matter what the suffering ... it has to be of the mind!
Atma Vichara is like a sword ... it cuts the "binding" with mind.