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The last one year has been a deeply disturbing one, as far as spiritual awareness goes. It is as if the mind is at once alert to all thoughts all at once. That sort of opening up and awareness of thoughts can be excruciating. It is also very engaging and involuting.
So, while you are busy involuting, there is that irritant that you need to be there, aware for others, in a similar fashion. I find that as a yoga teacher I am aware of the movements of the minds of those in front of me too... That is so embarrassing, for me:) I don't want to pry, but everybody is walking about me, exposed, metaphorically!! Its awful.. That's how it has been.. U know why people do what they do.. that they are good, or bad, but all that they do is so strung strongly by the ego, that it becomes -- where yoga matters -- much the same thing!!! To be good or bad is not the thing, in yoga. To be egotistic or not, is of relevance. And who do you share this tricky idea with. Who can keep you company here? Even the contemporary yoga gurus are crushed by that invisible, sly ego.. and everybody is talking yoga -- but with the loudspeaker of ego! And my inner ears -- now sensitized -- go red at the farce..
There is nobody for company, you are alone-- the ones who spoke what you want to hear, they are gone.. their books are there,so you know you are not entirely going mad:) But still...
Free MySpace Animations! So,at one end you have your monkey mind to watch over, and chortle. And as you do that, become aware of the clan of other monkey minds.. This is what yoga does. It is terrible for me, in that, to know of people, manipulation, intentions, between the shimmer of devotion and goodness and worry that you are not judging them as you observe them, not being allowed a choice, but made to watch as the awareness throws up every awkward line in the face of those around you . It is awkward. This is not what I sought! I wanted stillness, when I started:) I wanted to jettison my mind -- not be saddled by the minds of others!!
But if you do the headstand long enough and stay there, swaying gently with every breath, you realize this sort of awareness is somewhat similar. You are aware of your neighbour's awkwardness and likelihood of that person collapsing on you. You are aware of your own potential for a fall. You are aware of stiffness and your choice not to be that way.. so many states of awareness. And the ultimate one is where you hold the headstand still, unaware of time, and sway.. there is stillness in that dynamic awareness. This year, somewhere, I feel this sense of it -- a dynamic stillness -- transposing itself into my life. That is why I am back to blogging. Otherwise, it did not make much sense to blog -- swinging between worldliness and otherworldliness and hanging by the sheer thread of your ego, or fear the loss of sanity!!
I can let go now, jump in the void, indifferent, yet exhilarated.
Nothing matters that much...
Free MySpace Animations!
So, while you are busy involuting, there is that irritant that you need to be there, aware for others, in a similar fashion. I find that as a yoga teacher I am aware of the movements of the minds of those in front of me too... That is so embarrassing, for me:) I don't want to pry, but everybody is walking about me, exposed, metaphorically!! Its awful.. That's how it has been.. U know why people do what they do.. that they are good, or bad, but all that they do is so strung strongly by the ego, that it becomes -- where yoga matters -- much the same thing!!! To be good or bad is not the thing, in yoga. To be egotistic or not, is of relevance. And who do you share this tricky idea with. Who can keep you company here? Even the contemporary yoga gurus are crushed by that invisible, sly ego.. and everybody is talking yoga -- but with the loudspeaker of ego! And my inner ears -- now sensitized -- go red at the farce..
There is nobody for company, you are alone-- the ones who spoke what you want to hear, they are gone.. their books are there,so you know you are not entirely going mad:) But still...
Free MySpace Animations! So,at one end you have your monkey mind to watch over, and chortle. And as you do that, become aware of the clan of other monkey minds.. This is what yoga does. It is terrible for me, in that, to know of people, manipulation, intentions, between the shimmer of devotion and goodness and worry that you are not judging them as you observe them, not being allowed a choice, but made to watch as the awareness throws up every awkward line in the face of those around you . It is awkward. This is not what I sought! I wanted stillness, when I started:) I wanted to jettison my mind -- not be saddled by the minds of others!!
But if you do the headstand long enough and stay there, swaying gently with every breath, you realize this sort of awareness is somewhat similar. You are aware of your neighbour's awkwardness and likelihood of that person collapsing on you. You are aware of your own potential for a fall. You are aware of stiffness and your choice not to be that way.. so many states of awareness. And the ultimate one is where you hold the headstand still, unaware of time, and sway.. there is stillness in that dynamic awareness. This year, somewhere, I feel this sense of it -- a dynamic stillness -- transposing itself into my life. That is why I am back to blogging. Otherwise, it did not make much sense to blog -- swinging between worldliness and otherworldliness and hanging by the sheer thread of your ego, or fear the loss of sanity!!
I can let go now, jump in the void, indifferent, yet exhilarated.
Nothing matters that much...
Free MySpace Animations!
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